Episode 31: Falling in Love With Yourself, How to Heal After a Breakup, and Prioritizing Yourself in a Relationship with Denise Francis
For a special Valentine's Day episode, we are celebrating the most worthy kind of love: self-love. Denise Francis is the Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization, a digital platform that aims to make healing, self-love, and wellness accessible to Black women. She is also the author of The Soul Study Self Love Journal–a therapist approved daily prompt journal–and has a top Ted Talk on the topic of self-love. In this episode, Denise and Josie are talking about all things falling in love with yourself: what self-love really means (it's different than any definition you've heard before!) and why self-love and self-care are different. They also discuss how to stay true to yourself in relationships, how self-love affects your love life, and how to heal from a breakup (or any other rejection) once and for all. Denise shares so many unique tips on how to truly love yourself more, from journal prompts to powerful affirmations, to routines and exercises, all meant to cultivate true joy, heal your inner child, and achieve the most important form of love.
SHOW NOTES:
Happy Valentine’s Day! This week on The Everygirl Podcast, Josie sits down with Denise Francis, self love expert and founder of The Self Love Organization, to talk all things self love and self efficacy. The episode begins with some context on Denise’s career: she tells the story of her decade-long self love journey, which started in her first psychology class in college when she realized that she had been suffering from anxiety. She discusses how she started to cope with her anxiety, and when she realized that she needed to start doing the internal work to feel better. Josie and Denise have a conversation about how we’ve coded self care in our society to mean bubble baths and face masks, when in fact true self care and self love involve a lot of healing your child, managing your mental health, and doing challenging internal work. Josie asks Denise to discuss her thoughts on self efficacy, and what that really means; Denise explains why self efficacy is different from self confidence, plus what it really looks like in the real world. She provides an example of having and overcoming math anxiety as an instance of self efficacy in her own life. Josie mentions that self efficacy involves looking for evidence that we are capable of doing things that we think might be challenging or difficult for us, and Denise expands on this in terms of reframing our mindsets. Denise also dives into the difference between self improvement and self love, which often get mixed up in our culture. The conversation then turns towards the role of self love in romantic relationships, from having a strong sense of self in your relationship to the role of self love in setting boundaries. Denise explains how love languages interact with our own self love and self confidence in romantic relationships. Josie asks Denise to provide advice for people who are coming out of relationships and might feel like their identities are in flux after a breakup. Denise discusses the fact that loss of a relationship means going through a grieving process, and the importance of stillness when we are going through a period of grief. The episode then takes another pivot towards inner child work, and Denise takes Josie through an inner child healing exercise using the anecdote of her favorite kind of pizza. She also talks through the value of journaling throughout your self-love practice, plus how that can bring you closer to healing your inner child. The conversation closes with some rapid-fire questions for Denise, including her favorite affirmations and the kind of music that makes her feel the most loved.
Must-Listen Moments:
[6:08] How Denise discovered that she had anxiety, and how that realization launched her on a decade-long self love journey that turned into a career
[13:06] What is self love, and how is it different from self care, self efficacy, and self trust? How do all of these things work together?
[26:28] All about the role that self love plays in our relationships, from setting boundaries to recovering from a tough breakup
[48:49] Self love 101: the recipe for starting your self love journey, including stillness, journaling, and more
[52:09] Denise takes Josie through a mental exercise related to inner child healing, self love, and pizza
More from The Everygirl:
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