Episode 80: Break Family Patterns and Heal Your 5 Origin Wounds with Therapist Vienna Pharaon
What if the secret to a happy, fulfilling life is hidden in your past? What if knowing our origin wounds can liberate the way we love other people and ourselves? Licensed marriage and family therapist, Vienna Pharaon (known as @mindfulmft), is helping people heal from their origin wounds to break patterns, be in fulfilling relationships, and feel truly happy. In this episode, we dive into what origin wounds are, how they shape our belief systems, and why everyone has some kind of childhood trauma. Vienna also shares amazing tips for how to heal and stop holding yourself back from having healthy relationships, as well as how to support yourself and stop toxic patterns during time with family. We also discuss how origin wounds are likely holding you back in your dating life or relationship. Consider this episode the roadmap to true healing.
SHOW NOTES:
In the last episode of The Everygirl Podcast before the holiday, Emma and Josie kick off the intro by chatting about the cultural history of Santa Claus and why the holiday season is really all about anonymous giving. They also discuss their favorite holiday songs, and Josie explains why “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is the most misunderstood holiday song. Then, they dive into the Ask The Everygirl of the week, which is about meeting future in-laws during the holiday season. Josie explains why she believes that if you have tension with your partner’s family, it is their responsibility to step in; Emma discusses how to charm and get along with in-laws by seeking out the qualities in them that you love in your partner. The two chat briefly about the episode ahead with Vienna Pharaon before the interview begins. Josie’s interview with Vienna Pharaon starts with Josie asking Vienna to explain what an “origin wound” is, plus some clarification on how these origin wounds influence our adult relationships and conflicts. Vienna provides the example of being raised in a home with “conditional love” as an example of a common origin wound. Josie brings up how even when someone has a “great childhood,” that childhood can often be punctuated with smaller origin wounds that impact how we approach our lives later. Vienna compounds this point by explaining that this comparison of origin wounds does nothing for our collective healing process and that comparing our origin wounds to others can keep us in self-destructive patterns. She emphasizes that the pain we feel in our childhoods and early adult lives is not out to get us: it simply wants to be acknowledged and felt. Vienna also explains the power of turning to look backward at our lives and personal experiences as a way to ensure that the challenges we’ve faced do not unnecessarily define us. Josie then asks Vienna a question based on her book, about the relationship between authenticity and attachment and why we learn to sacrifice authenticity for attachment in our lives. Vienna explains why we feel that we must sacrifice aspects of our personalities to connect to the people and world around us, and how this follows us into our adult relationships. Josie then asks Vienna to dive into how people can intentionally prioritize authenticity over attachment in their lives. Vienna explains that the shift toward prioritizing authenticity involves making some uncomfortable changes and that there will inevitably be fallout from doing so. She also discusses the uncomfortable process of realizing how we are repeating our own toxic behavior cycles, and the patience we need to have with ourselves as we work towards healing. Josie shares some of her own origin wounds and how she’s been working to heal them. The episode closes with rapid-fire questions for Vienna, including her favorite family dynamic that she has seen portrayed in the media.
Must-Listen Moments:
[5:26] Ask The Everygirl: How can I ensure that my first meeting with my future in-laws goes smoothly?
[15:24] What is an origin wound? Vienna explains the foundation of her work, why we all have origin wounds, and why we should never compare origin wounds.
[26:39] Why it’s important to examine your past and your childhood in order to live your happiest life in the present.
[31:45] Vienna explains why we sacrifice authenticity for attachment, and how this is a fundamental mistake in our connections to other people.
[42:34] How to set boundaries during the holidays, especially when returning to potentially triggering family situations.
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