115: Science-Backed Ways to Have Better Sex in Your LTR, With Dr. Tara
Dr. Tara is a tenured professor of relational and sexual communication, an award-winning researcher, and a well-known sex and relationship expert. In this episode, Josie and Dr. Tara dive into the root cause of intimacy issues: the most common ones, why everyone will deal with sex-related issues at one point in their life, and what to do about them. They also chat about sexual confidence and how to keep things spicy in an LTR (including sexy check-ins, sex fasting, and controlled chaos). Dr. Tara shares science-backed ways to improve your sex life, whether you're in a relationship or not. She also shares her thoughts on recently popular celibacy trend and why you should masturbate every day.
SHOW NOTES:
On this week’s Ask The Everygirl, one listener asks how to reset after an over-indulgent 4th of July weekend. Josie explains why the body itself is a detoxifying machine, and you don’t need to detox on your own. She talks about how the body is like a river, and the things that make us feel bad after over-indulging (like having too much sugar or dairy, or not exercising) can be blockages that are easily pushed away with healthy habits and consistency after the fact. Josie explains the importance of supporting the liver in order to optimize detoxification processes. She emphasizes that it is important to not slip into a diet culture mindset and count calories after over-indulging because that will only cause you to swing back in a different direction. She recommends getting electrolytes in if you are hungover. Emma recommends having one go-to habit that you know you can lean on for support after returning from a vacation to get you back on track, instead of trying to do everything all at once. The interview with Dr. Tara starts with Josie asking Dr. Tara how she first became interested in sexual empowerment and became a tenured professor in the first place. Then, the two quickly dive into the frustrating binaries that women must combat in order to be sexually appealing, which Dr. Tara identifies as the Madonna whore complex. Josie asks Dr. Tara how women can heal from that binary, and Dr. Tara provides helpful tips. Then, Dr. Tara dives into some of her own background before she became sexually powerful, running through her childhood in Thailand and Finland and the impact that her divorce had on her sexuality. Josie asks what Dr. Tara did during that time to become more sexually confident, and Dr. Tara explains how she used both sexual affirmations and sexual meditation to find herself and become more empowered. She also recommends reading smut as a way to find yourself sexually and figure out what you really want out of your sex life. Then, the conversation turns to sex issues. Dr. Tara explains what a sex issue is and why almost everyone has one in their relationship at one point or another. She explains that there are three main factors in our sex lives that contribute to sex issues: physical, mental, and relational. Josie asks Dr. Tara for the best ways to ensure that both people in a relationship are sexually satisfied. She provides some tips for helpful communication strategies that won’t make you feel like you’re begging for sex in your LTR. Dr. Tara also explains why it’s so crucial to have sexual variety, especially if you’re in a committed LTR. She talks about the practice of pleasure mapping as a way to explore your body and your partner’s body, as well as how to practice erotic solutions in response to any sex issues that might come up. Finally, Josie asks Dr. Tara what she thinks about the recent celibacy trend that has been going around. The episode closes with some spicy rapid-fire questions for Dr. Tara.
Must-Listen Moments:
[00:51] Ask the Everygirl: Post-Indulgence Detox Tips
[21:13] Dr. Tara's Journey to Sexual Confidence
[27:55] Practical Steps to Build Sexual Confidence
[36:37] The Importance of Sexual Confidence
[37:49] Common Sexual Issues in Relationships
[44:01] Exploring Erotic Solutions
[52:33] The Role of Chaos and Stability in Relationships
[57:58] The Celibacy Conversation
[01:02:24] Rapid Fire Questions and Conclusion
More from The Everygirl:
Find and listen to more episodes at https://theeverygirl.com/